you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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