the condom got lost in my hair
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
