i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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