Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
