i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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