She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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