make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
