I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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