I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
