He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
