you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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