What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
