I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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