??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
