I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
