Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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