We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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