I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
