so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize