I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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