the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
