you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Found the puke drawer
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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