i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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