So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
