my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
