Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
