dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
