Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
