I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
