It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
