Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
