So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
