I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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