I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i barfeds in our rink
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
