this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
