Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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