so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
