This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
