Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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