Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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