your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
