We got so high we made milksteak
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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