I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
where are my eyebrows?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
