He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
