To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
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so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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