I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
