So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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