Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize