i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
