were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i will never coherently bang her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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