so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
