he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
