And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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