What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
