Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
