Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
