he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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