oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
