i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
