the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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