I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
