I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
