He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
