You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
