Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
